Old Potato Road.

PRIVATE PROPERTY.

After trespassing on private property in search of a waterfall we were kindly asked to leave. I proceed to speak to the elderly man asking for more splashy options near by. Apparently due to the pleasant demeanor and charming rhetoric in which I spoke, the gentleman allowed us to stay put.

We decide to continue our intrusive adventures. Upon checking in at our precious inn in Hudson, NY, which looked like the byproduct should the Ace Hotel have sex with a seaside cottage in Nantucket, Andy the loquacious inn keeper mentions in passing he has a boat. He had no idea that he’d open pandora’s box with this statement. Whilst sunning on the rocks below our glorious waterfall we proceed to text Andy and invite ourselves on the boat. I believe Jess’ text read “You going out on the boat? We have Rosé!”. Within minutes we had secured at 7:30 pick up at the dock.

The 4 of us gals are greeted by a gorgeous cruiser boat peppered with 4 nautical gay men who welcomed us with wine, cheese and most importantly dirty Arnold Palmers! The next couple hours consisted of great story telling and a surreal sunset. Yesterday was one of those days where the phrase “best day ever” resonated throughout the crew. I sat at the tip of the front of the boat, dirty Arnold in hand and inhaled the simplicity of the moment and the humor of its inception.

30 YEARS AWESOME.

Today marks my 30th year of existence.  I had someone tell me the other day that I should be thrilled to turn 30.  That I should look around at my success in career and be proud of where I am.  My response was simple.  I told her I was proud of who I am surrounded by.  I’m proud of all the unique characters that have come into my life and shaped me for the better.  If I didn’t have the people all else would be a wash.

So to ALL of you out there that have laughed with me, cried with me, tried to understand why I was laughing at you or just took a stroll with me, to you I say thank you.  Thank you for making my story great.  Thank you for loving me well and continually inspiring me to be, me.  You’ve bettered my adventure.

THE WASP.

I think it’s important to make even the most simple of tasks entertaining.  This approach, however, has gotten me in a pickle or two.

Last night I was hanging at my apartment with Jess, cracking up as usual.  We have been trying to make 4th of July plans so we were looking at flights and trains.  Anything to get out of the city!  As we were looking at flights Jess goes, “remember that time you booked my flight to Austin and….” Before she could finish her sentence I erupted in laughter, burying my head in the couch.

I booked a bunch of folks flights from NYC to Austin for a party I threw during ACL.  I had totally forgotten that I thought it’d be funny to give people strange middle names on their plane tickets.  Jess went from plain ole Jess Rotter to Jess “The Wasp” Rotter.  Poor Jess had to change her flight but there were, uhh humm, complications with the names matching up!!  Opppzzzzzzzz.

KISSY FACE.

Jared Fuson and I were inseparable in college.  We could make anything fun.  Seriously.  Anything.  We’d ride our bikes to campus each day but along the way we’d play bicycle tag which resulted in me on my side on some surface with my bike on top of me.  Not once did I ever win.  Damn those strong thighs he has!

The two of us were both Communication Majors at Texas A&M and purposely made sure we had a lot of classes together.  We’d always plant ourselves in seats on day 1 and then make sure we claimed those seats for the rest of the semester.  One class we took was Rhetoric of Western Thought taught by the incredible Dr. Rigsby.  For this particular class Jared and our other 3 guys friends all made claim to the front row with the 2 of us being next to each other.  

Playfulness is one of the best attributes in the world.  Jared and I both have an abundance of this particular trait.  I’m not sure what sparked it but we’d sit on the front row in a class of 300 and pretend to almost kiss each class.  In the middle of the lecture he’d lean in and we’d be so close we could feel each others breath then right when the magical moment would happen we’d turn our heads and casually go back to taking notes.

What was brilliant about this endeavor was that by the end of the semester we could hear people around us mutter things like:  ”come on already!”, “dammit!”, “GAH!!” and things of the sort.  I can’t even image what they would have done if we’d locked lips.  A resounding gong perhaps.  

BASKET TOSS.

Our Freshman Cheerleading squad for Bryan High consisted of 20 girls with 2 different squads of 10.  There were 3 large Junior Highs that all merged our Freshman year so even with a competitive tryout process they narrowed us down to 20.

One of my best pals, Maureen Locus, was the best tumbler on the squad.  She was also the best flyer.  If you don’t know who the “flyer” is, it’s the person you throw around.  We would do back flip basket tosses with her at all the football games.  People told us they were illegal for High School squads.  We just shot them the middle finger.

They kept the 2 squads separate for the most part but one day we decide to merge during practice.  We look at little Reen and wonder about how high we could throw her if ALL of us chunked her in the air.  She already got mad air.  We wanted more.  Cheerleaders are ambitious in mind and spirit.  Ha, spirit.  The 19 of us link up all of our arms with Maureen in the middle.  Then we count it out: one, two, down up, down up and CHUNK the hell out of Reen.  She goes flying into the air.  She was astonishingly high.  We were all so amazed by her altitude that we forgot that our homegirl would be coming down.

So, you have 19 cheerleaders tossing a girl into oblivion and 1 cheerleader ruminating about her return from oblivion.  You would have thought we would have discussed the dismount but seems it slipped our mind.  Luckily at the last minute I slid my body underneath her but pretty sure I only saved her ponytail.  

Gives a whole new meaning to the song “Spirit in the Sky”!!

GUINEA PIG.

I was so excited to finally be a Sophomore in college and done with my 1st Rush.  Those things are beasts I tell ya.  During Rush I spotted who I wanted to be my little sister and was determined to coax Mindy Popelka into our all-star cast of a Chi Omega Family.

During the Big Sis/Lil Sis unveiling week there are gifts you leave for your Lil each day at the Chi-O house for them to pick up with clues to who you are.  Now, if you know me, you know my clues were things like: I have webbed toes or I sleep with a stuffed animal horse named Gregory.  Things of that bizarre nature.

Each day had a theme to where you spelt out Chi-O by the end of the week.  This was the “I” day meaning Insignia where you’d give a gift to your Lil that had the Chi Omega letters on it.  I thought long and hard about what I wanted to get Mindy, grabbed the keys to my car and headed for the pet store.  I proceed to the counter and motion to the zoo keeper wannabe that I’d like a Guinea Pig.   A plump one.  I am handed a box with holes and take this new critter, whom I named Jobelle (after one of our founders), back to the Chi-O house to get fitted for it’s outfit.

In an effort to keep with the rules and give an Insignia gift, I made Jobelle a cape that the Chi Omega letters on it.  In addition, I decorated an aquarium complete with shot block and beer bong for her to rest her weary head.  Just kidding, just kidding.  But it did have pretty sorority girl drawings around it.  Before I placed my gift downstairs I decided to see what the rascal was capable of.  Castle went to one end of the hallway upstairs and I was at the other far end.  Then we’d let Jobelle go and she’d come running with her tiny cape flapping in the wind.  It was glorious.

After racing Jobelle up and down the hallway, we place her in the gifting area and sit in the back staircase waiting for Mindy to arrive and hear her reaction when she finds a guinea pig with a cape and a big smile.  We get word Mindy’s arrived and all gather in the back hallway to see if we can hear her reaction when all of a sudden she let’s that awesome laugh lose and all we can hear is ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Then she proceeds directly to my room only to find a gaggle of us all in the hallway rolling with laughter.  I had nothing to say because I was paralyzed with laughter.

The other sweet girls were leaving the Chi-O house with cute hoodies, baskets filled with candy and fun decorative dorm stuff.  Poor Mindy was carrying an aquarium with a caped Guinea Pig that answered to the name Jobelle.   Welcome to the family!

ROAD TRIP GAMES.

I love road trips. Currently I’m sitting in a window at my fave Brooklyn coffee spot waiting on my ride to head upstate with 3 of my guy friends. As I’m about to embark on our day trip out of the city I started thinking about some of the unforgettable times I had on High School road trips.

Out of town games for both cheerleading and softball were beyond entertaining. This particular story involves a softball road trip. I played center field and my buddy Beth Lebow played left field. We were 2 peas in a pod. Sometimes if someone would hit a line drive to the outfield we’d giggle our way to the fences. We were really good, don’t get me wrong, we were just silly in the process.  We kept ourselves entertained.

My bud Beth was always up for a challenge or prank. Anytime, anywhere. On this particular day we come up with a game to pass the time.  Coach Williamson, who we called Judy Booty, would always sit at the very front of the bus. Beth and I being jokesters always found ourselves nestled in the back of the yellow dog. The object of the game was to tag Judy Booty’s head by crawling across the tops of all the seats and back before the other.

So someone, whom I presume to be Aimee Petroski or Lyndsey Bond, say GO and Beth and I start flying across the seats. We womp ole Judy Booty across the head and scurry back on the tops of the seats as if we thought we’d be undetected.

I don’t know what we were thinking essentially slapping our coach access the head but man do I have a good laugh talking about it now. It’s no wonder Beth and I were in trouble as much as we were. Didn’t matter how much we got yelled at, we always found humor in the adventure and of course built new road trip games.

JOKES!

I think I’m pretty damn crafty. Even when whatever I’ve created doesn’t make sense to anyone else, I high five myself and am content with my simple and self-preserved LOL.

In elementary school you could request to tell jokes over the school intercom. Given my impeccable speech communication skills in the 4th grade I proceed to the front office to present my joke to the rest of the Sam Houston Ravens. It must be noted that most kids read jokes from a book or from a Bazooka bubble wrapper. Not me. No way. I write my own material.

I clear my tiny lil throat and begin. “Good Morning Ravens!! Have I got a joke for you today. Why are racquetballs sad? (insert dramatic pause) Because they get hit around a lot!!”

The school receptionist kindly takes the mic away from me (probably wondering if I should see the school counselor) as the echo of my twig leg giggling self sauntered down the carpeted hallway. I still think it’s funny, chuckling at my desk. It should be noted there was another answer: Because they’re BLUE! Maybe I should have gone with that.