I was sitting in Madison Square Park today eating my lunch, listening to music and watching the city pass me by, when I got distracted by the squirrels in the park. I would compare these squirrels to the catfish you see at the lake that linger by the burger joint; the kind of catfish that live off of burgers and fries and are the reminiscent of shetland ponies. Those are the squirrels of Madison Square Park.
Lady face sitting next to me thought it’d be fun to lure the critters to us with potato chips. The ground shook with the heavy plodding of the hoards-o-squirrels marching my way. Somehow they found their way to my tuna salad. Lil bitches.
The activities of today remind me of a greater story though. In the winter I noticed a Japanese man video taping squirrels taking food from him. This is America eh? I wanted to jump in on the fun, so I snapped off some of my Nature’s Valley Granola bar and the squirrel came near me on the fence. 1st bite was a success. Squirrel and I high fived. It was glorious. Now round #2 for granola bar fun time. Squirrel sloth mammoth latched on to the granola bar and me and I was trying to shake it off. Bitten by a squirrel and saturated in laughter the lil bugger let go and scurried away with a larger piece than I was prepared to give away.
Lesson learned: Nature Valley Granola bars turn on big ass squirrels.
